Oh, oh oh oh oh oooh....

Oh I'm SO FREAKIN' HAPPY I got the Hanger out of my life when I did.

He's got a new girl friend... a lovely flight attendant we'll call "Jackie". Better her than me. None too surprising, I didn't nickname him "the hanger" cause he's been hanging around me for 6+ years (what can I say, I'm a sucker for taking care of 'sick' people). Hope they will be happy together 'cause I guess as soon as she's actually free to marry again, that's the plan. 'Course, being the Hanger, he's fooling around on her when she's flying... even though he loves her. It's sad, she sounds like a great person... may be she'll see her blue eyed man-child for who he is. Wishing them all the best and I'm not being sarcastic.

I asked the Hanger once why he cheats... he prefers to call it his little problem... he said it was because he "wants to make everyone happy". Happy. Yeah, that's it.

Now that I got that off my chest. I am feeling pretty good these days. My load feels much lighter. Work's good. I'm exercising. I'm even trying to get out there and date... so if you know anyone in the Greater Calgary area... I just want to have some fun!

I've been doing a fair bit of knitting. Slowly finishing three projects, Mara, Some basic socks in Noro Silk Garden and my Rooibos Vest. Love the vest.

I'm loving the packagey goodness that is woolgirl sock kits. Alice literally moved me to tears, it was the journal more than anything, I absolutely loved it!

I'm in the throws of spring cleaning... continuing my solid efforts to throw out the trash... all the trash... and detox my life.

I bought a new book today, "The Happiness Project". I've heard really great things about it and I'm looking forward to being inspired. It goes hand in hand with my efforts in that department. The de-junking, shedding of outgrown relationships, eat local, live in the moment, love what is momentum that I've taken on this year. And I'm buying a bike. A hybrid so I can go trail riding with the boy or touring around town on my own. This Friday... me... Bow Cycle... it's on. And... because nothing... but nothing... makes me happier than paddling me own canoe... I'm joining the Calgary Canoe Club as soon as the new season opens.

I guess that's one of the reasons I haven't been writing as much. I need to spend less time thinking about doing things and more time doing them. really... NIKE had it right all along... Just Do It.

Why does Facebook hate me...

I can't update my status, accept friend requests, comment friend's status updates or send any kind of message. I am not a huge facebook fan but it's an easy way to stay in touch. I feel like the girl who didn't get invited to the party.

In other news... the Hanger got his walking papers, we agreed it was best for both of us. 6 years is way too long to live in the gray area between friends and something more. He spent a month incommunicado, as per my request, then this week, texted me from 7:00 PM to 1:00 AM one night, telling me how much he misses me... men are beyond me, give me pets any day!

I've been knitting but it's impossible to get good pictures... I go to work in the dark, I come home in the dark, traffic is insane... welcome to winter in Calgary. I'm making terrific progress on my Mara shawl, love the pattern. Next time I'll make it in the proper weight on larger needles (as specified in the pattern) in fact, I've already picked out the yarn for the next one. I'm so enamoured of Mara that I've put everything else on hold.

Oh... all I have left in the way of Christmas is procuring booze and chocolates... neener, neener, neener

I'm still here...

I really need to blog more often.

Bought the most lovely book "French Girl Knits" I love the seamless patterns and the extra detail and attention that have gone into them. I cast on for Wrenna first.

I also bought yarn to make Viola.

Nakiska is still progressing nicely but lace is often more mentally demanding than what I'm up to so I like to have options. What I should do is finish some things but why would I finish... when I can start.

I started a Lady Eleanor Entrelac Wrap and am having so much fun with it. I've never done Entrelac before so I had a learning curve but now it's all good.

So I took a tough stance with "the Hanger" those of you who have read this blog in the past know he's been on the scene for some time. He's a good guy in many ways and we do love and care for one another but he is also quite a handful. I honestly thought he would stop being part of my life after I drew my line of death (and was prepared for it) but he seems to have gone the opposite route. the man never ceases to surprise me... surprise... irritate... exasperate. I'm still 100% prepared to toss him out on his ass at the slightest sign of relapse.

On the home front, my sweet "little" boy celebrated a birthday he's 15, has size 12 feet and is a good 6' tall with no signs of slowing down... STOP GROWING ALREADY!!!

The black hole got me again...

So I have been a very bad blogger. Not only have I not been posting, I haven't even had my usual two bits to add on to anyone else's posts either. It wasn't really that I had a dry spell writing wise. I had stuff to say, it just wasn't stuff I felt like dumping on an unsuspecting bunch of knitters. You guys deserve better. Things are OK now though.

I am making a concerted effort to distance myself from the Hanger. One of my best friends aptly described him as a "Sucking Vortex of Angst and Drama". All I've ever really got from hanging around with him for the last 4 years is 4 years older. My good friends thought it would be helpful if I started seeing other men. Doesn't even have to be Mr. Right, just Mr. Distract me so that when the Hanger tries to suck me back in (and he always tries and always succeeds) I can say, "Actually, I'm busy." I think I may have found just such a man. A Fireman. A stand up, do right, and as my sister says... who doesn't love a... Fireman. We shall see. I must admit, the very thought of dating a fireman makes me a trifle giddy. As one of the gals at Knit Night put it... "Just think of the role playing games!"

Okay I'll tear myself away from that little fantasy... for now... I have been knitting. Nothing new, same ol bunch of WIP's. I am a slow knitter.

I finished a cute toque, just in time for some very frigid weather.

Still working on the boy's socks, Mr. Green Jeans and my VBF's Gigi Scarf which I sent her a picture of since it obviously was ready for neither her birthday nor Christmas.

I am still totally in love with SKB... oh how I love my SKB. I love the top downness of it, the lace inserts, just... everything!

I have also been busy acquiring.

I acquired a Namaste messenger style knitting bag and some new C*Eye*Ber Fiber "Mal de Mer"and Sheep 3 from Make One Yarn Studios.

I also acquired some Schaefer Heather, some Shibui Knits and I'm still waiting on a couple of other little treaties for my feeties, courtesy The Loopy Ewe. Hey, I needed some major cheering up OK?

If you thought...

I fell through a black hole, you wouldn't be completely wrong.

I wasn't in the Christmas spirit this year, it never came. The hanger has been having a tough time. I have been doing my best to help him. Things got worse and worse, just before Christmas, things pretty much hit bottom. You know when you jump in to save a drowning man, the danger is he can pull you under with him. I've made a tough call to save myself but it doesn't come without feelings of sadness and loss.

I got through Christmas this year. There was a tree, there were presents for my son. Fortunately, my X's family were in the Christmas spirit and what may have been missing at home, my son received in abundance when he spent Christmas Day with them. We were invited to a girl friend's for Christmas dinner and that was a tremendous help. To be able to be a part of her family celebration made it much easier.

My birthday passed almost completely without remark. I wasn't in the birthday spirit either. I took myself down to Make 1 and Michelle asked me if I wanted her to sing. I said "No", so she got the whole store to sing. Next time I will know that what I needed to say was "I will kill you if you do". Honestly, it actually did cheer me up a bit. The knitting bag I bought on sale and with a gift certificate from my sister cheered me up even more.

One thing that has been a constant is my knitting. A friend told what Edith Piaf said when asked about her knitting , "It keeps me off the cocaine and heroin." Well, I wouldn't go that far but it does keep me sane.

No pictures today. Soon I promise.

Lets all hope that 2008 is better than 2007.

Where did the time go?

Had a bit of a downward turn there… weeks went by and and I couldn't find anything funny, or up beat or in any way inspirational to say. Every time I started to write, it went south and it was never my intention to be down and depressing for anyone who cares to read.

And now the weather is better and the rugby fields are lovely and green and things are looking up again, so I'm back.

Ah Rugby…I love the game… but the parents may drive me to drink!

Some of the Dads are such amazing jerks! We have enough registered players for 2 teams. If they had their way, the 2 teams would be: Their son's (who of course are all perfect) on one team and the rest of the loosers on the other. Some clubs do it that way, a highly competitive team and a B team, not ours. These are the same bunch of yahoos who joined their kids up last year and were telling them, "Rugby is just off season practice for Football."

I really don't like the "Football Dad's", gee can you tell ;-D? One of their snotty little blond Stepford wives was talking about the gravel on the field and that someone should pick it up. Then she looked over at me (who was not part of the conversation and minding my knitting) and said, "That could be your job." Seriously. I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Yeah, I'll be getting right on that." and went back to knitting. I have no problem picking up the odd rock, it was her tone.


Hooker, Lock and Prop all rugbyese for ox-like, capable of mowing down anything in it's path. All are in this thing called a "ruck" and also something else that involves a great deal of pushing called a "maul". The boy is in green, black and white.

The boy played two games back to back this afternoon (he's on the team that has all the football kids but I haven't started spiking my coffee yet). He plays, prop, hooker or lock. They won both games and knitting was accomplished. The other club team also won its games.


See? "Still life with rugby balls and sock."

Have received more fibery goodness in the shape of Vespers sock yarn by Knitterly Things in "Sorbet" from the Sweet Sheep sock club. Best of all… I booked a lil' somthin' special for my self. This fall I am going on a knitting retreat. The Make One Emerald Lake Lodge knitting retreat. I am pumped! I have from now 'til the bus leaves in November to get it paid for, totally doable. Emerald Lake Lodge is so awesome and gorgeous. Looking forward to it.

Other than that… you know… the hanger just won't go away. I can't figure that man out. When he isn't driving me insane, he's one of my best friends. We aren't going out but we aren't not going out either. In other words… he's still doing what he does best… hanging.

So it's official…

I'm becoming a wiener dog lady. Look… Ginger is thrilled.

I told the hanger a week ago today that if I wasn't the one… I wanted him to leave me alone. That I wasn't interested in being friends or "friends" as the case may be. Haven't heard from him since… zip… nothing… nada. 3-1/2 years. I don't hate the guy. He warned me from the start he was shallow but I thought he had hidden depths. Guess not.


So I've been doing my best to stay busy. Lots of knitting, my toe-up socks and some fetchings, nothing too mentally challenging. Cleaning my house.


Playing with my new toy. I needed a ball winder. I tend to end up at the LYS when ever I'm feeling despondent but this will get lots of use.

I am feeling despondent… it's a good word for a bad mood. I was happy being married (ignorant and blind yes… but damn it I was happy) and good at it too. Now it seems like something completely out of my reach. I am a good person, there is lots of love in my heart, I'm reasonably decent looking, collectively the girls at work have decided I'm only 35… so what's wrong?

You can tell a lot by how people treat service workers. We get these yuppy couples in the store. The guys are polite and the women are just mean. All the time at work I see hard, rude, nasty, women with nice guys… why do they have nice guys? So they can snap their fingers at them and see how high they jump? They are the girls who use to bully me mercilessly in junior high (& they probably all have nice guys too). Lots of nice women have nice guys too and there are lots of women in worse states than I could ever dream of but still… what is it?

My sister says I'm only getting back what I put out. According to her… I put out a looser vibe… that's comforting (that's probably not what she meant to say). I don't even know how you meet anyone anymore.

Yup…
Wiener dog lady.

It's like my Aunt Betty use to tell me… there are worse things than being alone.

How would you photograph a state of angst anyway?

So I finally got my drink in Saturday night at the Make 1 pub night. I had no excuse not to be there as they meet at the pub across the street form where I work. It was badly needed and very much enjoyed.

I was working a seven day stretch while our AM is away on holidays. I can see why my Manager gets so frustrated sometimes. I wanted to smack someone yesterday. What ever happened to a work ethic? The overwhelming attitude seems to be "I'm not paid enough to care." but honestly if that's the way you feel, there are lots of jobs, no one has to be there if they don't want to be. We are more than fairly compensated for what we do.

I compensated for my stressful couple of weeks (not just mine, the boy has been through hell too) with some shopping. Note to self… don't go to the yarn store when you're mad at the X… anger and shopping don't mix. I've been wanting to try some more complicated cables and find a good starter lace pattern and when I bought the Jitterbug Jay sock yarn, There was another Colinette yarn that caught my eye The Cadenza Easy Care in Moss. I love the rusty flecks in it and the soft green colour… everything about it really… so I am going to use it to make a pair of Alchemy Cabled Gauntlets. I also picked up the pattern for an Alchemy "Lace & Cable Scarf", there was one on display at the store and it was so lovely and looks not too daunting for someone who has never done lace. I'm going to make it in Art Yarns, Silk Rhapsody 139. On top of that, I joined the Make One Sock Club. I am justifying it by telling myself it's a great way to try a whole bunch of different sock yarns and get some new toe up sock patterns all at a reasonable price. Oy, so much for knitting from stash. I'm not being completely bad though… I've been using my stash up too. Making fetchings, knitting blanket squares (now that I found my lost knitting bag), I could start another sweater as well. When I'm stressed out and cranky at the world all I want to do is shut my self away and knit. For years I use to shut my self away and read. When I was a kid, I would shut my self away and play the piano… really, really badly or draw. Basically, I just want to shut my self away… a natural recluse personality… maybe I should become a wiener dog lady… surely Ginger wouldn't mind.

Oh and I figured since… you know… my life is going to hell in a hand basket anyway… I'd tell the Hanger to get off the fence. We had that little talk last night. He seemed genuinely flabbergasted (God I love that word). He kept saying "but you're the one who's not ready". My sister told me that the reason he wouldn't commit to me was because I wouldn't commit to him. You get what you give and all that. She might have had something there. I'm prepared for him to walk away, if he does, than that's what's meant to be. If he doesn't… well… I'll deal with that when it happens.

Anyway, no photos… not in the mood… and how would you photograph a state of angst anyway?