Have you ever had something so difficult it consumed your life. You couldn't think of anything else but at the same time you couldn't talk about the "thing" because it was simply too painful.
For a while there, my 'thing' was my son. His school's psychologist had recommended he under go psychiatric assessment and potential diagnosis for clinical depression, clinical anxiety and/or Bipolar disorder... if you have a child you can just about imagine what this did to me. Bipolar disorder is a life sentence requiring regular monitoring and some nasty medication. I was relieved (to put it mildly) when the psychiatric assessment finally took place. The way the psychiatrist put it is, "I have good news and I have bad news... the good news is there is nothing wrong with your son
... the bad news is there is nothing wrong with your son. As she said he's "drifting", "his comfort zone is very small", he "lacks passion" and "there is no pill to cure a chronic lack of motivation". She has referred me for counseling on how to help him meet his potential, sooner rather than later. Of course it's another three month wait list.
The one bright light is cooking. The boy loves it, he wants to be a professional chef. It's my wedge, the way to ignite passion where there was none. So we have a new ritual. The weekend trip to the Farmer's Market followed by a full on, sit down dinner we cook, from scratch, together. This weekend was seafood chowder based on this recipe
. It was phenomenal, a culinary extravaganza, and my 15-year-old son took the reins to make it happen. He spoke to the fish monger to find out the best substitutes for the fish called for (we are in Calgary after all). I gave him the money, he found and purchased all of the ingredients, the only thing I bought was the wine. Today, he did all the prep so we were ready to rock 'n roll as soon as I got home from work and we had ourselves a feast. Food therapy... don't you love it!
The other love the boy and I have in common is drawing. I went to art college for seven years... seven! Then I went into advertising. It sucked every once of creativity out of me, I got burned out, overweight, depressed and divorced... in no particular order... hey thanks advertising... you shouldn't have. Lately, I am poking around the edges of illustration, for myself so far. I would say I found my way back to it through knitting, I started drawing out sweater ideas and went from there. The boy and I have been drawing together we each have a sketch book to work out ideas in and we muck about. This is a scrap of something I was working on...
So I am done the lovely Lady Eleanor... and she is lovely... we had quite the crush and I am sad to see the end of it... I haven't decided n the finishing... to fringe or not to fringe... that is the question.
I have moved on to Elsewhere... another intense relationship... although the potential for infidelity is there, I am trying to resist. I have come to the conclusion that... just like in real life... in knitting... monogamy works best for me. I am much more motivated when I'm being faithful.
I am also back to working on my Nakiska shawl... I lost the pattern so it went on hiatus until I found the pattern... my goal is one pattern repeat a day, if I stuck to that, it would be done in a month or so... I said if.