Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Up 'n Down 'n Round we go…

Ok so the happies were somewhat of a fleeting thing…

My son has me down again. We are getting there slowly, slowly. He has an appointment with a psychologist who specializes in teen anxiety and depression for the end of June. The paediatrician is thrilled that he was able to get in to see her because it's a closed practice. She feels it will really help get to the root of my son's problems to see this woman. The new meds he's taking are making a huge difference with his ADD but they just aren't enough.

I feel like there is a great big weight in the middle of my chest. Mom's are suppose to make everything better and I can't. I started seeing my own counselor and she is helping me work through some stuff. It's emotionally exhausting but she's definitely helping me. It's just that every time my son has an anxiety attack my heart breaks into a million little pieces. He's so sorry afterwards and it's not his fault.

I'm coping right now but just… you know… barely. Every day I try and find light… things to feel good about… things to feel grateful for (and there is so much) and things that are positive and hopeful. Happiness is in the little things. Knitting is wonderful therapy. I do a lot of walking… pacing might be a more accurate term. We have this park near my house and a path that makes a loop through it. I walk the loop when ever I'm feeling out of control. It's like pacing in a really BIG circle.

I treated myself to more socky goodness. First off, I got the first installment in the Make1 Sock Club. A lovely lace sock pattern and some Schaefer Anne to knit it with. Second, I got these gorgeous skeins of Wooly Boully from The Loopy Ewe called "Lotus Blooms" and "Beneath the Cherry Tree" they came with a cute little needle inventory and a lovely note. I love them!!

And my jitterbug socks are almost done. I am a sloooow knitter. They aren't quite what I expected but it's OK. I can try for a better matched pair next time. They are fitting really well and I think my problem is that I started them from either end of the same ball when I should have done what the sane people do and made one, then continuing with the same end of the ball, made another one. However, my odd sock ways work for me and the mismatched socks are not out of sync with how I am feeling. I recently described myself to someone as a nut-laden-bar and right now, that's pretty much accurate.

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Blogger The_Add_Knitter said...

I hope things start to look up for you, I know it can be so rough. Sending you warm thoughts Marnie!

12:46 PM  
Blogger Cynthia said...

I am so sorry for what you and your son are going through Marnie. I know how hard it is to find the light when things seem so out of control.

Thank goodness he has you though and thank god you have your knitting (and blogging because there are those of us out here with you in our hearts and thoughts).

I love the yarn and I must say (and maybe it is the anti authoritarian in me) that I love mismatched socks.

Keep knitting and stay strong! If there is anything I can do say the word....

1:50 PM  
Blogger Lone Knitter said...

I'm so glad that you got your yarn. I hope you enjoy it! I love mismatched socks. It sounds as if you're making real progress on your relationship with yourself and your son. I know it will all work out very well. :)

6:58 AM  
Blogger sophanne said...

Thinking good thoughts for you- I'm a result of teenage anxiety/depression. It can work itself out. What brought me here though is the comment on ADD's site. Dumber than a box of hair- I'm SO using that one tonight when husband gets home.

Thanks for cracking me up.

5:24 AM  
Blogger Gingersnaps with Tea... said...

thing have picked up a bit… still feeling like a nut-laden-bar… but now I'm thinking that's a good thing ;-D.

11:50 AM  
Blogger uberstrickenfrau said...

Hi! came here by way of 5elementknitr, I'm a slow knitter too. I heard on NPR this quote:
our children give us headaches and when they get older they give us heartaches. Hang in there, my heart goes out to you.

1:01 PM  
Blogger Australoknitticus said...

Take care & have lots of tea, a narsecuppatea does wonders.
Isn't the sock pattern great? Our buddy is awesome!

5:01 PM  

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